Love and Hate

when I met you I was young and naive,

when I lost you I didn't have you in my grip,

when I reached for you never where you there but still I waited.

when I cried into my pillow I saw your name,

when I ran out of breath I saw your face,

when I reached for you you were gone again.

I waited to see you again but you disapeared and I should have known,

I should have seen it coming,

But I was blind, invisible, and everypart of me was lost before I knew what they were,

before I knew I was lost.

I keep searching though, hating that I let you go,

hating the crevice inside of me that cries out your name but goes unheard,

hating the warmth of your touch I still feel on my skin,

hating the taste of your kiss on my lips.

and in the midst of all this hatred,

the midst of all this unfathomable pain,

in the midst of hating you,

I find myself still living you,

still yearning for you,

wishing for your touch,

wishing for your tender words,

wishing for your kisses,

your hands on my hips,

your lips on my neck,

your hands in my hair,

still I need your kindness,

your whispered words,

your shallow breaths,

your my mind,

my soul,

my heart,

my pain,

my joy,

my fear,

my love,

my tears.

and I think I've lost you.

completely.