Love and Pain

new foundation. new beauty blender
i swear i was here a month ago, how did i use so much of it?
but I know the answer
and the flashbacks begin.
the first time he hit me
i was going to leave him
but he looked at me with those beautiful eyes of his
and said “it won’t happen again, baby i promise”.
i believed him, because i loved him.
but it kept happening again and again
each time more often and harder
and every time he would say
“it won’t happen again i promise, i love you”
how did i allow it to get so bad?
this isn’t the guy i felt in love with,
the guy that opened doors for me
the guy whose stare would make me melt
the guy that treated me so kindly and sweet.
i thought relationships were about supporting each other
loving each other
talking for hours to each other
yes he says i love you
but does he mean it?
how could you treat someone you love so badly?
im sure other couples fight but is it this bad?
why can’t i leave him?
is it because he still makes my heart melt?
or am i addicted to this pain?