Love Comes With A Price

Dear Reader,

Let me confess and unravel myself to you.

Let me introduce you the me that no one knows about.

My love comes with a price.

A price that maybe no one can afford.

I love to love.

Laugh.

Smile.

But fate led me to a destiny that every time I love, I also hate.

A heavy weight has been placed upon my shoulders.

Like Atlas, forever bound to carry the weight of the world.

But instead of the world, I carry pity.

Shame.

Hate.

An image of myself.

These are the elements that formed the sphere of self-hate that has been placed upon me.

I have been cursed.

I am bound with unbreakable chains to the ground of lost hope.

My mouth sewed shut to keep the echo of my cries forever silent.

My shoulders, back, and arms bleeding from the imperfect sphere on my shoulders.

I cannot love others without the price of hating myself.

I drown myself in self-pity.

I drown myself in shame.

But with a perfectly practiced smile,

no one realizes the shadow that looms over my existence, mocking my every move.

Many ask the same questions over and over.

Why?

I honestly don’t know why.

I just do.

That by the end of the day I drown in self-pity.

A bottomless pit that I am continuously falling in.

It’s just a one big cycle.

From Spring to Winter.

From warm sunshine and flowers to freezing weathers and dead trees.

From love to hate.

There maybe something, someone out there to break this chain.

Maybe there is someone out there to break the curse of this one massive cycle of love and hate.

Maybe I can fully learn to love myself at the end of the day.

But this are just maybes.

There has always been a small light of hope in the never-ending tunnel of darkness in my mind.

But I am afraid that, that light might disappear soon.

And I might be bound to the grounds of lost hope till I meet death.

In which the curse ends.

Now you know the truth. The endless loop that I am bound in.

From yours Truly,

Veronica A.