Love in Exhaustion

Dearest Ryan,

I need time.

I'm exhausted through my bones and I can't help myself be human. 

I don't want your eyes to reflect the mess I'm in when I look into them 

Because that means you see it too.

I am not perfect. 

You know this. 

But I feel like I can maintain some delusion of decency if I keep you away. 

But I want you here. 

I will break down any moment now 

And I don't want you to witness my destruction,

But I want nothing more than to fall asleep in your lap as my tears are drying. 

You calm me down.

Your presence is a warm hug and a long sigh wrapped into a moment of interaction. 

My heartbeat slows and I start breathing again.

I need you now more than ever.

But I just want you to stay away.

I can't lose you

Please don't leave when I close the door. 

It will open in the morning.

But I am tired.

And you don't need me like this

Your love, Madeleine