Dear Brother,

              Do you remember us ? Do you remember the trickling green trees above us that capture sunlight that made us feel free on the green grass as little children ? Do you remember holding onto my small fragile hand through the dark that always seem to followed after lights when out. Do you  rememeber the tears that made my face swell that you stain me with ?

You drink a little more, and with lusting thoughts that become alive in combination of dazzling chemicals, you become a human with claws. And with these claws, you are a predator in the dark. You left me with open wounds that won't easily heal. Soon I will be scar with the reminder of the image you left in my mind. I touch the air to see if what has happened is real. To my right, our Mom covers her face to stop the tears that flood her face and straight ahead is a woman to challenge my mind to a illustrate a picture of you. Shes's asking me all sort of questions. Yes this is real I tell myself.

God dam it ! Why ? Why ?  How could miss it in between your laughter ? Now everything that was my life, is fucked up. This uncertainty lying in the pit of my stomach is because of you. I don't know who you are anymore.

I love you.

I hate you.

I want to be happy, but more than ever I'm I starting to realize there are only happy moments and long periods of sadness. I just want to be able to understand.

How did it go from seeing you everyday to a 15 minute phone call where you are in a cell trying to survive?

Tell me. Please.

I am hopelessly in love with life's agenda to me because there's a heavy pain scrape agasinst my chest rattling everytime that the life happening right now is real. It's truthul. It's my reality. I want it to stop.

Brother what have you done? Do you remember the lingering fingertips grazzling against the little girl ? Do you remember the stained tears on her when her mouth could have not bother saying no but bled through her beading eyes ? Do you remember the rushing acid to your head when you knew it was wrong?

I guess not.                                      

                                                                                    - Michelle