I fell for you two years ago,

Only to fail and let you go.

I fell in love with your laugh, that smile.

Your passion for music,

And the strum of guitar strings.

Hearing you play and sing for me

Gave me the greatest feeling in the world.

I fell in love with your zest for adventure and love of late night chats,

Your spontaneity and the way you loved me.

Our late night, back road love left me breathless,

Craving more.

The taste of desire on your lips left me believing that there’s an end to this emotional war.

Until one day,

My heart wouldn’t soar.

Oh love,

you were too good for such a terrible girl.

I wasn’t ready to grow up and truly love, like you.

So, I ruined the greatest love of my life.

I prayed that you’d fight for me, that you’d tell me

“Don’t give up on us. I love you.”

But, you yelled, said you couldn’t believe I was “doing this” and that you couldn’t trust me.

You shoved a knife into my heart and drove it through my back.

After that day, I prayed I’d find you again and beg for a second chance.

I have found you once again my love,

Only

There is a different man living in your shell.

This man reeks of weed and liquor.

This man said I was number eleven after he scraped every ounce of dignity from my being.

This man is not a man at all,

But a boy living in a nineteen-year-old body.

You asked me to come over after arriving home from Texas.

My heart soared like it once did before,

And I went.

I drove so fast I feared getting pulled over,

But I didn’t care.

The man I was still mad about wanted me again.

I couldn’t understand why he’d wanted me again

After I’d broken his heart,

But I didn’t care because I had my you back.

When I arrived,

I was hit with a wave of weed tainted with the feeling of desperation.

I’d known he didn’t want to “just talk” and that he wanted more

But I didn’t care.

I’ve chased and chased the man I once loved, but am met every time

With the boy who just wants to party.

I was drunk when I cried to you, saying I wanted more,

That I don’t want something casual.

You said you’d have to think about it because

You’d been hurt before.

That shattered my heart, made me cry more

And I’d felt terrible, knowing that I was the one who did the damage.

One night, I came over to see several other people drinking with you

And was pulled into a game of “Rage Cage” where

You told me you love me, in front of all your friends.

You even repeated yourself!

I was the only one to hear it,

But oh, how it felt good to hear that whisper once again.

Nothing would make me happier than hearing that all the time.

But, maybe that’s where our story goes wrong.

Maybe I should just let you be and build a new life inside the walls I built.