Love or Hate?

by Ritakibicho

January 29, 2018

#speaknowchallenge

For as long as I remember I knew love before hate

I used to think the world was a pretty safe place

Little did I know, people wanted to bring me down

They always used to say I was as dark as the ground

They made fun of me when the lights turned off saying that I couldn’t be found

At first I just ignored them and laughed here or there

But as time went on I felt as if no one really cared

I started to believe everything they were saying

I should have been outside carving my name in a tree

but the only place that knife went into was me

For as long as I remember I knew love before hate

I tried to kill myself more times then I would like to say

That love turned into anger & that anger became hate

You see I didn’t hate them,

I hated me

Cause all the did was show me who I was

and I started to believe that no one would ever want me for me

And I don’t mean that in a romantic way

but as a friend saying they would be sad to see me go away

I started to grow up and became comfortable in my own skin

Then one day there was this guy and let’s call him Dave

Dave made me feel like a Queen because he was a king

I put him up in the sky because I was on cloud 9

Little did I know that trip would be cut short for 6 months later I wanted to be 6ft under

He played me just like the others did but this time it was worse

because he taught me what I was worth

But I felt as if I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love

for if he saw what he claimed to see

Then why did he just up and leave?

For as long as I remember I knew love before hate

Through the years I made two new friends

and these were ones who are here to stay

Let me introduce you to depression and anxiety

They are the two friends who live inside me

Telling me how worthless I am and how I don’t deserve to breath

Just as I think I am happy they grab that happiness and turn it into loneliness

Now I have a demon inside me that I can’t face and that I can’t see.

I am done with life and I am tired of being “happy”

For as long as I remember that hate started to consume me,

to become apart of me

One that I can’t leave

I am a prisoner even in my own sleep

The world tells me to get over it and that it will pass just like dreams

Well that dream or better yet this nightmares has been a reality

At least with nightmares I can wake up and leave

but with this demon I am forced to battle it

every min of every day

Expect for in my dreams

I guess you can say that’s why I like sleep

As long as I remember I knew love before hate

But there comes a day where I have to pick which dictates

and based on what I have been through

It’s clear to see which one I would take

As long as I remember I choice love not hate

That is why I am still here even up to today.

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