Love pulling the trigger

Wow! Its hard because nobody told me it could be like this. When your in love its like a gun shot to the head, and your pleading for them to not pull the trigger. Once they do... Pow! Your dead and you loose everything you ever loved. Even the killer who is your lover; told you if they tell you they have to pull the trigger. But its sad because I already felt dead, but before you said what you said. I knew what was about to happen. But since I knew you played a lot I was waiting for you to say “baby im just kidding” but that was never said.My heart dropped and I realized that this was real. My eyes watered my head started to pound. I was afraid when I die that would have been the end of my story.You mean the world to me. you give me exactly what I need. so I pleaded for us baby not just me, but for you too. That trigger was ready and set to go. A shot that would of went to my head and aimed down for my heart. That gun got in the way. It would of stopped and I could of dropped. DEAD! Words were unsaid. I felt gone from this world. I shivered and cried I felt like I was going to die before you were even ready to go. It is funny because I was ready to change for you baby and to show you I can change and rearrange my mishaps and broken hearted feelings, but I felt deranged. I felt like I was really messed up. So I figured out that problem had been my best friend ever since we began and faults been my back-up man. I got so deep into darkness I was unable to even see light. Baby I was lost from all direction. I was perplexed. It got so bad I could not even see straight. What kind of mess is that? One side of me wanted to throw myself at you, but the other wanted to run and hide because you are not happy with all of me. My body said no don’t touch. I started to doubt and ask. What kind of love is this?