"A Love Story"

There is something inside of each of our souls- this desire for the things that will destroy us. We crave to behave in ways that leave scars. Battered and mauled, we are in love with the sickness. Why do we find it so inviting, we can’t want to turn away from it? Because to turn away would be to deny ourselves of who we are. We were born this way- rotting flesh and souls in decay. We will not admit to the shame of it, because we cannot let our pride be wounded. We do not accept it as fault. We embrace it because we can’t change. But the evidence roars in the background, as you say that you are deemed worthy. The lie you just told broke a heart. The substances from yesterday still affect your loved ones today. We are not meant to hurt; we were not made to hurt each other. I believe in love. I believe in forces. I believe that we all were destined for good things. They say I am too old for imaginary friends, but this love is not imaginary. I can see this love. I can see it in smiling eyes. I can see it in random acts of kindness that should not be so random. Brothers and sisters, we were made for more than this world has to offer. I saw love; I felt love. Love followed me. Love pulled me out of my own head, my own mess, my own love for my own sin. Love knocked the wind out of me. Love crushed my old heart. Love let it shatter to take what was inside and make it something better. Love loved me, when I just didn’t care. Love waited for me. Love was always there. Love always knew that I would find my way. Love had its hand on me on even my darkest day. Love looked at me with heartbreak it its eyes. When my back was turned, love never passed by. Love never turned and left; Love never gave in. Love hurt because I wouldn’t let love in. But love stayed and love waited. Love waited on me. Love led me and taught me how it feels to be free. Love saw in my heart that I was a wreck. Love broke down my bones to build them back. and this time, they are stronger. Love let me feel pain, though it pained love too, because in the end love always knew... that I would find love from my shackled, broken place, where I would accept love and accept grace. When my heart was torn open, bleeding out on the ground- When my soul was crying out for something, unknown, to fill the gaping void in my life left by the people who couldn’t love like love itself. When my fears consumed me, and I thought I might explode- When I needed someone to hear me- just hear me- so that I would not feel so alone. When the stars taunted me and told me I was small, that my life would never matter to anyone at all. When I was left in the dust and so unfairly mistreated, by people who were just as lost as me. When the screaming of voices that were broken from the love that they never received would ring in my ears, I was lost. When there were times that life meant nothing to me because I had no reason to live it. Love found me and love rescued me and love waited to make sure I understood that love was not going anywhere and love wanted me to know love and that I could show love to people who never really knew the love that found me. They say that I’m too old for imaginary friends, but love is not so imaginary. Love is felt and love wants you back and love never leaves you wanting. The love on this earth is tainted and broken and people hurt each other because they were hurt too. When people love they try and give it their best go but they are weary and reluctant. My heart longs for a love deep enough that no one is left dry. A thirst that is quenched. No more hunger pangs. Because love showed itself to me. So let me love even though I am weak. Let me try and have that love show through me. I want to shine so bright the sun would feel inadequate, because the brightness of love burns like a thousand earthly suns. Because the love that found me is the love that beats in my heart, traveling deeper than my bones, so I can feel it in my core when my heart pounds on. This love courses through my veins, planting a hope in me that I didn’t even know could be possible. Love was not found in the pages of a book; love was found in the message of a force that created love’s meaning. The pages of the book hold the words of the creator of the love that found me but love is in their meaning. Love is in the force behind the words that kiss the pages of the book that is mocked and made foolish, the words twisting, distorted and wrong, so far from the place where they started. So far now that they are only words and the meaning they held is lost. Love itself was mocked and made foolish by the ones love came to rescue. I will not mock love; I will be proud to stand for a love that will stand for me, when I am no better than any other imperfect human being. No one laughs at love when love is shown in a smile, or a word of comfort to someone who is in need. But they laugh at love, when love is shown in the meaning behind the words in a book that only act to convey the love that could save them. They say that I am too old for imaginary friends, and they mock the love that lifted me above the ashes and led me through the pain of life. When my life was wading in open waters with sharks circling beneath me and feeling the fatigue set in. Pretty soon, I would have been too tired to even try at all. But love reached out into my heart and gave me the strength to keep wading, with the knowledge that the sharks can’t touch me, and one day I will be out of the water and onto dry land where I will never have to swim again. They say I am too old for imaginary friends, but love is the realest thing I know and love saved me.