Love Through Depression

Because I love you, I have someone to turn to. 

I never thought I would have to deal with depression.

But I also never knew I would have someone like you.

Yet here I am.

After morning college classes, I curl up in bed, it is only 12 PM. 

I have one hour to go to work, and I already feel exhausted enough to sleep for 8 hours. 

Driving to work I am crying, feeling hopeless. 

All I can think is "What is the point?"

I arrive at work, and with 5 minutes to spare before I clock in, you call.

You ask the dreaded question, "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Ashley, are you okay?"

"No."

"Get through today, you can do it."

"Thanks."

I don't believe you, but I have to go.

After dealing with customers, and coworkers, I realize I did do it. 

I feel a small sense of accomplishment, but still sorrow creeps around me. 

For some people to give me the wise advice, my depression would go away...

"If you just went back to church."

"If you just got out and socialized." 

"If you just stop being lazy."

"If you just start exercising."

"If you would just be happy."

I have to politely tell them I have tried, but nothing seems to work. 

They don't understand.

I don't want to be like this, believe me. 

I know I should be happy, I can't explain why I am not. 

And then there is you.

You would never tell me my depression would just go away if "you would just be happy." 

Instead, you say,

"You can do this today."

"Take each step little by little."

"I am always here for you." 

"I love you."

These are the words that will help me grow.

These are the words I need to hear.

They are not long, and not always deep, but they let me know you care. 

I won't change and be happy all at once, and you don't expect me to. 

For reasons I can not even explain, you stay.

This is the love that keeps me going.

True love is empowering another person to feel better about the world around them.

You care enough to show me love, I don't even feel I deserve.

Now I can see a small light at the end a long tunnel, each day feels a little easier.

"Because I love you, I will be there for you when you are not feeling your best."

Thank you.

Every single day I am alive, 

Thank you.