I remember your brave face through all the pain

The day you told me, I tried to remain sane.

 

After that news I cracked

I felt like a car hit with sudden impact

 

Somehow you had such strong will

Through the drugs, chemo, and pill.

 

While something ate you inside,

It didn’t faze you; even at your bedside.

 

That one evil thing was a wildfire; 

An active multiplier.

 

I found out it was metastatic;

Something emphatic, traumatic, erratic.

 

People joke about cancer like its no big deal

Like it’s a walk in the park or a branch on a reel

 

Sometimes cancer cannot be cured

Nothing can be assured

 

I understand you're free now,

But the pain of watching you go would still plow. - (personification)

 

You were so strong,

And you fought for so long

 

Three years later.

And never would be on a ventilator.

 

I was on my knees

Begging "god please"

 

You had all of the agony

Transferred to me so calmly.

 

I know you're proud though.

Up in the sky, aglow, in your own bungalow. 

 

To my mom, who has been missing for 1,228 days:

I know you continue to amaze

 

To my mom, my best friend,

I hope you get this message I send.

 

I hate that you're gone.

But mostly, I hate that I couldn't hold on.