lovely

i'm dying

i feel myself shutting down

my organs regurgitating every last bit i eat

(which isn't a lot)

my mind rejecting the pills i need to take

the food i need to eat

the sleep i need to live.

it feels like i'm dying.

my stomach hurts so bad without pressure

but i can't eat.

i've lost twenty pounds in a year and i'm still

going for more.

the bags under my eyes from the constant

yanking

depravity of sleep i get,

it's the homework

the stress

the thoughts in my head;

it's the constant need and want for attention

the touch starvation

even when i feel his skin everyday.

it's the constant undying love for affection

and appreciation

that i so rarely get.

it's the constant rereading of old messages 

because i hate to be alone.

it's the constant negative talk 

and depression

and sadness 

and fear 

and whatever else my brain feels like

that day. 

i'm dying.

i can feel my body churning,

the constant want for death

but i don't.

i feel hollow, nothing behind my eyes

even in the most comfortable moment.