lovely
i'm dying
i feel myself shutting down
my organs regurgitating every last bit i eat
(which isn't a lot)
my mind rejecting the pills i need to take
the food i need to eat
the sleep i need to live.
it feels like i'm dying.
my stomach hurts so bad without pressure
but i can't eat.
i've lost twenty pounds in a year and i'm still
going for more.
the bags under my eyes from the constant
yanking
depravity of sleep i get,
it's the homework
the stress
the thoughts in my head;
it's the constant need and want for attention
the touch starvation
even when i feel his skin everyday.
it's the constant undying love for affection
and appreciation
that i so rarely get.
it's the constant rereading of old messages
because i hate to be alone.
it's the constant negative talk
and depression
and sadness
and fear
and whatever else my brain feels like
that day.
i'm dying.
i can feel my body churning,
the constant want for death
but i don't.
i feel hollow, nothing behind my eyes
even in the most comfortable moment.