Lover-Loved

Dear Lover,

We were just children when we met

So maybe

I can forgive the fact that you did not understand the promise you made the night you kissed me under a sprig of mistletoe

Maybe

I can forget how many times you repeated it as an adult.

You tell me to forget you.

I am supposed to forget the smell of your aftershave, the way your lips tasted slightly of Carmex

Tell me

How do you forget the feeling of a soul so in sync with your heartbeat that you can reach out and touch it?

You say I’ve changed

But I am still the same girl who melts under your fingertips

My breath stops

At the sight of your smile

But you don’t smile the same way anymore

It’s you who’s changed

Lover,

You say to move on and I

I who am compelled to make you happy

I am trying

I am trying to move on but every time I try to hand my heart to another

You reach out and grab it back

You are a child

And I am that long-ignored toy that becomes loved as soon as someone else so much as looks at it

If you don’t the taste I leave in your mouth

Stop taking sips of me

You are draining my glass

Lover,

Do you remember that moment?

You know the one

Lights dimmed, bodies close, Aerosmith in the background?

There’s a picture of it somewhere

We used to joke it would hang in our house someday.

We tried to recreate that moment so many times

But even making love never felt that close

Lover,

Do you regret the feeling of my skin against yours

Or is it what keeps you going on those late nights when you ask me to describe it to you one last time?

Can you feel it as I do because of course I do I do whatever you ask

Do you still love me in those moments when you use me?

Lover,

Do I mean anything at all?

Lover,

What is this storm you’ve put in my brain?

This typhoon in my heart?

How can I hate you

Love you

Want you, fear you, miss you, feel you?

How can you be here and then not be here?

How will I forgive myself once you’re gone?

Dear Lover,

I don’t want to love you anymore.

Signed,

Loved