A Lover's Paradox

I will never understand

how you could just leave me like this.

Unable to speak from the bruises etched around my neck.

Lullabying me to sleep

only to be passed along to the sliver of a moon.

But the sliver gave me back

and now I am here again.

Holding hands with The Devil

who was once an angel

what now is my demon.

Because I love you

I will take the knife

from my back and use it not to hurt you

but to cut the rope that binds us together

only you stopped me.

You took the knife from my clammy hands and pierced my heart.

Because I love you

I let you.

You dipped me

into the fridge light

and swooned me over

into the early morning hours.

Promising to change

but to you change was something that got lost in the couch cushion.

Because I love you

I stayed in the dark, getting lost in the cracks, muddled with the crumbs, smothered by the lack of oxygen

until i am no longer alive.

And smother you I will never stop.

Because you love me

I will hold you too tightly

and drive like a madman checking every driveway for your car

while calling your work to make sure you left on time.

But you were one minute too late.

For one minute I could not breath.

Now you must do the same.

And as my grip tightens and your eyes flutter close

only then will my harsh words transform into a lullaby.

Waking only

Because you love me.

Oh my sweet angel, I am your demon.

How dare you take my knife and use it against me.

In my home.

But because you love me

you let me love you

in the most dangerous way.

I will dance with you in the glow of the kitchen

making promises I know I can’t keep.

Because you are worth no more than a nickel to me

and your thoughts a penny.

I will keep you hidden in the darkest of places.

Burning from the itch of what could've been.

But how can I expect you to understand

when all I know is I do this

Because I love you.