Lunatic

 

I try to escape your grasping hands

Reaching out in the darkness

Grabbing at my bruised and battered heart 

But you did that

You broke me 

But I can’t let you see me cry 

I can’t give you that satisfaction 

I can’t let you know that you have power over me 

Because I was made to be like this

Told suck it up

There is no reason to cry

Told crying is weakness

But what if my strength comes from my hidden tears

My pillow used as a comforting shoulder to cry on 

Because you can no longer console me

I am too powerful

I know no limit 

I know I scare you

I saw it in your eyes 

As you looked at me like I was deranged

But maybe I am

I feel like I am a lunatic 

I feel like pulling out my hair and screaming at any given time

And I keep that in because I don’t want you to worry

But I need help but you are the only one that I can’t trust anymore

You are my family yet I see you as the enemy 

People ask why I cry when they raise their voice but it’s because it’s what I hear too much in my own home and it makes me think about all my mistakes I have made 

Every time I have wronged you

And you have never done anything but it scares me because I think of what someone could do 

And I feel things no child should ever feel 

Not even a child that no one of any age should feel but 

I am feeling the tearing agony of pretending I’m okay when I’m crying myself to sleep because I know I’m not okay but I pretend I am for you 

To let you down 

To make you feel like you failed would break me

And why is it my place to comfort you

I’m a child 

You’re a grown up

But I still feel the need to protect you 

From me 

From my true self

 

I try to escape your grasping hands

Reaching out in the darkness

Grabbing at my bruised and battered heart 

But you did that

You broke me 

But I can’t let you see me cry 

I can’t give you that satisfaction 

I can’t let you know that you have power over me 

Because I was made to be like this

Told suck it up

There is no reason to cry

Told crying is weakness

But what if my strength comes from my hidden tears

My pillow used as a comforting shoulder to cry on 

Because you can no longer console me

I am too powerful

I know no limit 

I know I scare you

I saw it in your eyes 

As you looked at me like I was deranged

But maybe I am

I feel like I am a lunatic 

I feel like pulling out my hair and screaming at any given time

And I keep that in because I don’t want you to worry

But I need help but you are the only one that I can’t trust anymore

You are my family yet I see you as the enemy 

People ask why I cry when they raise their voice but it’s because it’s what I hear too much in my own home and it makes me think about all my mistakes I have made 

Every time I have wronged you

And you have never done anything but it scares me because I think of what someone could do 

And I feel things no child should ever feel 

Not even a child that no one of any age should feel but 

I am feeling the tearing agony of pretending I’m okay when I’m crying myself to sleep because I know I’m not okay but I pretend I am for you 

To let you down 

To make you feel like you failed would break me

And why is it my place to comfort you

I’m a child 

You’re a grown up

But I still feel the need to protect you 

From me 

From my true self