Make Believe

I sit In my stuffy bedroom, Ceiling fan buzzing, Doing little to fan the flames in my head. You struck a match in my brain That has been contained over time, But to this day, I still find flickers of you Burning through my mind. And I lay in my wrinkled, humid, summer sheets, and I still see all the memories I never made with you playing on repeat: The way you look from the passenger seat How you hold your fork and the way you dance Your unapologetic laugh The sound of your voice at the top of your lungs As we sing to a song we agreed was dumb But we sing anyway Because that’s just us. There never was an “us.” I never got to see all the parts of you I wanted to I never got a glimpse of how you act when no one’s watching I didn’t get the time to do stupid things with you I never saw your flannel shirt nights or your crusty eye mornings Or the way you look in sunglasses and I never got the chance to get to know the mediocre side of you all the average things you do that would never have been average to me because you were always something more to me you were endless possibilities but as I lay here in my crumpled sheets I have only imaginary memories of things I never did with you conversations that I wish were true I lie here and play make believe to see parts of you I’ll never see Sometimes what we want just cannot be and so I try to fall asleep But sleep will not come, And I open my eyes to the muted world of my dank bedroom, Look at the clock, And I know That this is going to be a long summer.