Make Certain Your Girl's Not Strapped

Once upon a blessed morning 
I awoke to someone’s snoring 
Very loud and irritating 
Could it be this girl I’m dating
Oh, what’s her name; I can’t remember 
Met some time, back in September 
A pretty smile and sexy figure 
But, her laugh sounds just like Tigger
Kicked her out of bed with force
She hit the floor; neighed like a horse
Coughed and whined, and started bawling 
Towards her clothes, she started crawling 
She pulled out a Smith and Wesson 
Will she shoot; is what I’m guessing 
Are you crazy; she inquired 
One quick pull and your expired 
Damn, that hurt; my booty’s bruised 
From your kick, you stupid fool
I said wait; your logic’s damp
It’s all good; I caught a cramp
Pure reflexes, don’t you see
With no control, so, don’t blame me
Put up that gun and come to bed
And get that sickness out your head
The kicker is; she did comply
That left me speechless, but alive
The moral of this story, friend 
Is never let a snorer in
But, more than that; if you’ve got doubts
Make certain that your girl’s not strapped