Four emotions at once and yet where am I running?

With all my intelligence I thought I'd be a bit more cunning.

 

Hate

Love

Understanding

Heartbreak

 

Maybe even betrayal? No, it’s anger…

 

Who am I but standing on a vast, violent, virulent ocean's bayou?

Why do I feel like this?

I feel like piss...

 

I really hate June, December, February sometimes,

I don't know why.

               February is good for nothing, though…

 

I guess it's because everyone I cared about

pulled a trick equivalent to shooting me

--- in the eye.

 

“BROTHERS! NOBODY HAS BLINDED ME!”

 

All of you

All of you all around

Look at yourself

Look deep down

 

I know there's someone you hurt

and I've hurt too,

but it will never justify

 

Alone, afraid, empty inside...

 

…”Just what we do.”

 

I'm confused,

I'm hurt,

wounded bird flying aloft,

trying to make my inevitable landing soft.

 

It's not working!

It's not working!

Someone tell me why.

Someone help me learn to relive

Someone help me to cry...

 

I REMEMBER

 

It’s burning me!

It’s burning me!

Explosions into many little fires when I crash land.

I can’t make this look pretty

               Make it look unnoticeable…

                              Just continue to go as if nothing’s wrong…

 

 

UNNOTICEABLE

I'm crying out,

No one knows me well enough

To understand. To know why.

To. Help. Me.

I push people away because I don't want to hurt them,

but          I still need a hand.

 

Too much noise inside…

 

No one's there,

I'm on my own.

I'm starting to cry now.

I feel so alone.

 

Where am I?

What am I doing?

How do I learn to go on,

I know this life's worth living.

 

“MY HEAD. IT’S KILLIN’ ME.”

 

I'm scared and afraid

The light's going out.

Do I open up to a savior

when they come about?

 

Or will it all be the same,

just as it always is,

I'm never good enough for them...

Whom is my enemy and whom my friend?

 

Would you kill me if you had the chance?

Because you hate me so?

What did I do?

Why are you so low...

 

Hit me again

Do it I dare.

Unleash the wrath inside

built up by each scare.

 

Four emotions at once and yet where am I running?

With all my intelligence I thought I'd be a bit more cunning.

 

Hate

Love

Understanding

Heartbreak

 

Maybe even betrayal? No, this is a void.

               This is panic…

 

Where am I running...

Where am I running...

I thought I knew.

Once.

 

My mind is endless…

I don’t know where I am. I can't see...

               Too. Loud.

 

Don’t – trust.

              

What’s wrong with me…

I thought I'd share my journey with you...