Making Love in the Dark

It…was the first time…that I’d ever felt extramarital sex was a sin

Was the first time I’d tasted the bitterness of this forbidden fruit I’d always found sweet

Your hands which I’d always thought were warm chilled me to the bone

As you caressed my skin tenderly yet regretfully

Lips I’d dreamed about touching me whispering words you’d never meant for my ears

As you embraced me thinking of another

As you chased away my hopes by giving in to my pleas

I’d finally found the filthiness that was me

And in a burst of insanity I left those sheets mingled with tears, our smell and her smile

I went back out into the world I had but a moment ago felt blessed to live in

Felt nauseous while looking at the sunshine in children’s faces

Found kinship with the homeless man who had conversations with the wind

And I went to him

Still too absorbed in my craving for you

Yet fully understanding what I was about to do

He held me, the way you should have

Kissed me while making me weak from pleasure

But his eyes weren’t yours

His hands didn’t feel right

And as I saw stars I cried for us

Pathetic animals

Unable to face reality

Unable to let go without hurting someone

Unable to love properly

Stuck in circles and triangles

While desperately searching for that straight line

That leads us home.