Male Issues.

Dad Did I chase fragile butterflies when I was five down open never ending fields

the same way I chase nonexistent feelings in his distant messages.

Dad , Did I hold on to you tight inhaling in your scent trying to imprint you in my memory,

the same way I try to hold on to the way he used to love me.

Do these scars on my legs represent my childhood adventures?

Do they mark the pain of every single time I fell to the ground,

which then tears from my eyes were followed.

Do those tears resemble the same ones that fell from my eyes on those dark nights I found my heart once again scarred and bloody for falling for him again.

In a way it felt familiar because you choose the streets over me,

cause see I guess she provided to you more than me,

and Dad, he choose her over me because she was prettier than me.

See Dad I have daddy issues, but I guess I can't blame it all on you so let me rephrase that,

dad I have male issues because you see

, the men in my life have a way of leaving without saying good bye,

and leaving me high and dry and it's been a reoccurring thing ever since you died.

And now my mind has a sense of impending doom every time a new guy says hi,

or makes an attempt to enter my life.

I went from chasing butterflies to chasing your love in empty bottles,

to trying to keep your memory with empty bodies who harmed me mentally.

Because Dad you know you were my first heart break

and I imprint the pain of you onto everyone of my mistakes, so due to misinterpretation ,

I hold on to these guys longer than what's good,

I run with the their words farther than I should, and I fall for these made up fantasies,

but that we both knew I would ... over time dad I've realized I'm also breaking my own heart too,

I'm following in the footsteps of you ... and I know I should want better for myself but when I look in the mirror I no longer see myself.

It's as if all the butterflies have died and I find myself running down these fields with no destination,

just a desire for escaping, and you're no longer here for me to hold on tight to,

and with every old memory of you I grasp out to reach I inhale in pain,

and these scars are no longer from me falling on to the ground,

but they're self inflicted from me internally breaking and being unable to make a sound.

Dad I'm not five anymore and now that you're gone ,

It seems as if these guys just aren't nice anymore,

or maybe it's just too hard to be nice when you're trying to love a girl with daddy issues.