Mama Not Mama

You're not my mother

I can't call you everyday and ask you questions

I can't yell at you

I can't curse at you

I can't blame you for what happened and hold it against you

Tears stinging my cheeks knives cutting my skin

You screaming crying asking me what you should do

You're not my mother

You're not some lady who I never had a mother daughter experience with anyway

I don't know what to do with something I've never had

I dont know how to treat a mother

What do I do? Sure I've watched others time and time again, but I can't seem to master it

All I can say is "Mama let's go here", "Mama you're ignoring me", "Mama please answer your phone"

Because in reality that's all I wanted to say when I was a child

But I'm not a child anymore