Mama's girl

As I sit in my bed, 5 AM reminiscing

 On all the things I have come to lose in this life

 I can’t help but noticed all it has helped me to gain

 A sense of self and true reason for being.

 Just the other day I found out that my mother tried for years to have another baby girl

 After sadly losing her two year old daughter.

And I am the product of all that trying.

 I am the daughter my mother was trying to have

 Even if some may say I am only here to replace that lost child.

 I must continue to strive to reach my full potential

And make that woman proud of me even though she may not be here to witness it firsthand.

 I know there are days where I feel I’m simply not good enough,

 Didn’t keep myself out the hood enough

 But it’s all a bluff, a front,

 And I groan and I moan on how I must face it alone but this is never true, for any of us.

You’re never alone if you have yourself to believe and confided in.

 So when the times are meek and grim just reach within yourself

 And bring out that power your try to hid and let it guide you,

Only 20 years old mind you but I’ve been though some things

That would make even the strongest of men break down and cry

And it'd be a lie if I said I haven’t shed those tears myself.

 But what matters is I’ve persevered and held my head up high.

Nights I thought I would die for the mistakes of others,

Lost brothers, and lovers and teachers and preachers and fathers and mothers.

 Watching lives fall apart at the seams and it seems that nothing can make it better,

Till I’m finally fed up with all of the bullshit and just try to push through it,

And now I’m at a point where I know I can do it.

If I’ve done it this long then no way, no how am I gonna stop now

Not when I feel that finish line so close approaching,

I just got to keep searching.

 And as I sit on my bed at 5 o clock in the morning I feel

Satisfied with myself and my ability to do just about anything,

And when it’s all said and done with

I know I can and will be the daughter my mother always wanted

 And then some.