Many Faces of Me and Him

How are you today?

Happy, sad, depressed, or total play?

Who are you to be?

Am I worker, professional, or gone absolute crazy?

Waking up this way,

With so many possibilities,

Waking up this way,

Desiring you to be.

Yet when I think about it,

Locus of control,

What I want to be,

Gone for an eternity. 

So am left with this,

A crazy mind, 

Plenty of twists,

One of a kind. 

Deep inside my sub-conscious mind,

There is an answer,

To the question,

Why are you so insane inside?

I look around,

My friends, and family,

Getting on with their lives,

So much clairty.

Yes when I look in the mirror,

What do I see,

A normal person smiling back,

The devil must be inside me. 

It's this riddle,

That have stalled me in my life,

Why have I not gotten anywhere,

Many spirals of strife. 

Regrets a many,

About choices I've made,

Taking huge financial risks,

With no professional aid.

Trying to forget my past,

Trying to set me free,

Trying to create a new life,

Trying to grow away from that broken tree. 

Yet when I try to make the right choices,

Comes back and bites me,

When I try to  learn from these choices,

I can't seem to see.

Feeling totally lost,

Feeling totally alone,

Feeling like I want to start again,

Feeling like I don't have a home.

Everyone who knows me,

See's reliability,

Everyone who knows me,

Wouldn't believe this about me.

Yet cracks are starting to appear,

If I stay on this journey,

Careful where I step,

Dangerously.

Don't think I have much fight left,

Inside of me,

Don't think I can carry on this way,

Have to change parts of me. 

When I step to one side,

And that see that it's him

When I look at this ride,

He really must of been dim.

All you needed to do,

Was change a small part of you,

All you needed to say,

I need help to let me play.

This thing could life,

Is easier when shared,

This thing could life,

Going it alone isn't fair.

Cut off from it all,

When she died,

Cut off any kind of support,

Part of you died.

Abject misery,

For decades instead,

No wonder it was difficult,

In your heart and head.

Needed some loving support,

Someone close to you,

Needed some encouragement,

To be with you.

Now that I have,

You by my side,

Head is a little clearer,

Getting into stride.

No need to go,

Back to that dark place then,

I need to go,

Back to the beginning and start again. 

Feels kind of odd,

At mid-life score,

Feels kind of odd,

My life is starting again at the core.