The Many Roles of Me

Peel through the layers of my body to find what I hide.

Society is so picky,

So it is me I shall hide,

From everyone around me, just to fit in.

As years go by I’m broken in.

Broken, destroyed,

Remade, reborn and rebroken again.

Society and people sculpt what they see of me and even now I’ve forgotten who I want to be.

Through the past is the way to the future.

Through the past is the way to me.

Innocence taken by the cruelness of the world.

Someone now much older living in the youthful mind that is mine.

The knowledge gained from the rape has rescued me from the cracks and traps others have fallen into.

But now an outcast of society,

Foreign,

Unwelcome,

There is nothing I can do.

The knowledge possessed is a double edged sword,

A blessing and a curse.

A curse that keeps on taking;

A blessing that keeps on granting--

Wishes that I desire.

A curse who continually smiting--

Dreams that fill me.

Each opportunity taken from me cause of society.

A society that cannot accept me for me,

Cannot accept that I am blunt and unforgiving,

Cannot accept that my wisdom makes me unyielding to the naïve.

Cannot accept that my personality is unrelenting to the blind and the innocent.

And sometimes,

Just sometimes, when I’m willing to change it’s not enough.

Each role I play,

Each mask I put on is torn down still.

The scholar seen as too uptight.

The rebel seen as too reckless.

The clown seeking attention.

The tomboy seen as childish.

The loner seen as stuck up.

Sometimes the villain is tired of being the villain.

Sometimes the villain is tired of being beaten,

Of being hated,

Of being despised and loathed.

Sometimes the villain wants to be hero.

Sometimes the villain wants to be accepted.

To be accepted by changing to what everyone wants you to be.

Everyone wants you to be that perfect person.

The hero everyone imagines.

But then again the imagination is not reality.

Reality is full of unities and schisms.

Reality is full of pleasures and pains.

Reality is full of beauty and ugly.

Reality is far from perfect,

Too many variants.

I am far from perfect,

Too many flaws.

Yet, perfection is never to be achieved.

Never to be desired.

Perfection means no change;

No evolution.

But evolution is what makes us human,

It is what allows societies to rise and fall and the world to shift endlessly.  

So as those around me strive for perfection,

I strive for evolution.

I strive for change.

I strive to achieve the highest of heavens and endure the darkest of ditches in life.

But even as I strive, I hold myself back.

In this play, I am still an actor who seeks the audience’s approval.

In this play I am still an actor who wants to play the role.

But as the curtains close, I am still an actor left with only my own mind to entertain.

But as the curtains close, I am still an actor whose mind will build up and tear down my own role.

A role that makes me who I am,

A role that becomes a part of me, no matter what part I play.

And as I am built up, torn down, resculpted, remade, reborn,

I take what I learn from that role and sculpt it into the masterpiece that is myself.

I add it so I contrast.

I add it so I have depth.

I am The scholar.

I am The rebel.

I am The clown.

I am The tomboy.

I am The loner.

Because in every play there will be a time,

A moment where all eyes are on me.

And then, during that moment,

I will shine.

All my contrasts will show.

I will show my evolution.

I will show my change.

My highs.

My lows and contours.

I will show all that I am,

And all that I am is me.

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