MASK

MASK

the door shuts behind me

my truth sticks in my throat 

here behind my walls i am real,

i am broken,

here behind my walls i struggle with feelings unspoken,

here i don’t pretend

to foe or to friend…

here the mask 

comes off.  (gesture)

out there i walk with lies in my pockets

i dish them out to all who asks ‘How are you?’ 

I smile and say ‘i’m good’ (big smile)

…but my heart is breaking - I smile and say ‘i’m fine’

…but inside me it is aching so bad …

out there I am ‘Happy Barbie’ 

broadly smiling 

always beguiling

never crying

ever denying…the truth of my heart

out there my veneer of pretence sticks to me, 

it makes me shine like plastic…

i wear my plastic barbie smile

but in here behind my walls i wear my house clothes

my hat of fear 

my shoes of shame

my scarf of guilt

my coat of pain

Merciful Adonai, 

to You I cry

as peace that passes understanding passes me by

you strip away the veneer

you see beyond the mask

(C) Elizabeth Herr 2016