Mask

I stare into the eyes of my reflection and wonder

How I am still able to breathe

Every single day I struggle simply to be

I don’t let anyone see 

The storm raging in the core of who I am

My walls are greater than any built by man

Impossible to see through

Unless you look for the cracks

Rare as they are

I seem to be normal

Happy even

I nail all of my lines

I smile, I laugh, and I don’t break

I never break character

To do that would be to fail

If anyone truly cared they would see

See right through me

Instead they take me at face value

They would pack and leave once they saw my true self

Stay long enough to see me breathing

Just to keep the guilt at bay

No one would stay

Why would they?

Who cares about one who is so completely and utterly broken?

Who loves someone like that?

Someone like me?

So many expectations to meet

So many eyes watching and never seeing

So much of everything

I am gradually suffocating

With every day that passes I fight to breathe

It grows harder with every second

With every lie

Thousands of those lies go into one mask

So difficult to unravel

Yet if done the reality will flood as if a broken dam

So easy to believe a lie

The truth would only bring agony

And fear

And hate

Why let it when I could pretend

Pretend to be fine

Content

I hid the scars until the paranoia faded

Along with those thin lines

My head is a warzone

I am screaming so loud it’s amazing I can form a single thought

I scream for relief

For peace

To be seen

To be heard

Only I never am

And I never will be

I am slowly giving up hope

So long I’ve worn this mask I don’t know my true self

I wouldn’t recognize myself if I looked in the mirror

I’ve lost myself

For good

And no one even notices

How I am slowly drifting away

And letting go

All they see is my mask of perfection

So for now I will go on

I will paste on a smile and laugh through my agony

Alone