May 14, 2008

May 14, 2008 1 year. 11 months. 27 days. I didn’t think you existed, The monster of my nightmares, The terror of my subconscious. If only you were just make-believe. I’ve heard stories of your kind, Leaving fingerprints where they don’t belong, The smudges and imprints invisible. Blue eyes turn to black. 6 feet turns to fifty. I feel small and insignificant around you. Oh wait, I am. May 14, 2008 1 year. 11 months. 27 days. You hit me for the first time today. The cold hand pinning me against the wall. The burning imprint left on my face. You stared at your fist in disbelief Only you didn’t stop and apologize. You raised your second hand instead And left a mirrored burn on the other side. A smile turns to a sneer. An embrace turns to a chokehold. I feel submissive and weak around you. Oh wait, I am. May 14, 2008 1 year. 11 months. 27 days. A rag doll in your iron grip, You toss me from side to side. You pull at my spirit, tearing it to shreds, You break down my strength, leaving weakness instead. You can see I’m no longer strong And you feed on my pain. I wish I had known I would never be the same. Laughter turns to a cackle. Kisses turn to gasping breaths. You’re tearing me down Bit by bit. May 14, 2008 1 year. 11 months. 27 days. You told me I was beautiful today, Then you laughed and said it was a lie. You called me a slut and a whore, And I felt my heart break just a little bit more. I’m not as strong as I thought I was. I’m weaker than I ever though possible. I feel something. I wish I were numb. I feel nothing. I am nothing. May 14, 2008 1 year. 11 months. 27 days. The frying pan you threw at me today, I didn’t feel it. Your hands closed tight around my throat, I didn’t feel that either. I’ve taught myself to be numb, To be nothing, Just like you wanted. I feel nothing. I am nothing. I feel nothing. I am nothing. May 14, 2008 1 year. 11 months. 27 days. To hell and back you’ve taken me, And I bare the scars of it all. You’re gone now, But you won’t leave me be. I’m stuck with your hauntings, your memories, your nightmares. I’m terrified to sleep Knowing I’ll see your face. I’m terrified to dream, Knowing you’ll be there. May 14, 2008 1 year. 11 months. 27 days. He’s better than you ever were, In more ways than one. He loves me more than you ever did, In more ways than one. He’d never hurt me, Never hit me, Never make me cry. He hates you more Than I hate you. I love him, I love him. May 14, 2008 1 year. 11 months. 27 days. I didn’t think you existed, The monster of my nightmares, The terror of my subconscious. If only you were just make-believe. I’ve heard stories of your kind, Leaving fingerprints where they don’t belong, The smudges and imprints invisible. I’m stronger than I thought I was. You’re weaker than you know. I think I’m happy now. Oh wait, I am.