May I Be Me?

I am not crazy, nor am I insane I am a Texas guy, who's usually classified as "lame" How do I explain? How do I tell something simply? This isn't a poem, it's more of a story: Can I? May I? Please Be Me. I'll start in Kindergarten, oh man was that a cruel start. Only thing I remember? Throwing a chair at the teacher! And was that the worst? I must say no. For after four years, I pulled alarms, fought with kids, and threaten to kill. So then my mom was forced to put me into "Anger Management" Right now, dumbest idea since PEDA. But yet I went. That doctor talked to me like he was talking to a crazy person Probably the reason I still don't like doctors I wasn't insane, this I swear. But I don't know what I was... Maybe I was trying to be me And, maybe, nobody liked me being me. So I changed schools, didn't start well either. Wasn't even done with the morning, 'til my mother yelled. "What is wrong with you? Why can't you change?" I don't remember responding, what could I do? So I prepared to rodeo, because that's what I loved to do. But, momma came up to me and asked "You think you can pull through?" I didn't know what she meant. That's is, until she told me. I had to change, that was that, and then I would get to rodeo. So I did change, and man oh man was it hard. But looking back now, I get it. I see that's what changed me. Then again, there were still THOSE kids. Those certain kids, if you know what I mean. They ask, "Don't be you, be like me? Can't you see how cool you'll be?" Personally, "cool" aint' cool to me. Their cool and mine were no way alike, and I remember the bruises I took. A knee to the face, or a knife being pulled, "count me out." I did not prefer to be "cool'. I am tall, that's needless to say But when basketball came around, oh God, why is it such a pain? Basketball in junior high was not fun Though I wasn't "cool", majority of the time, they were ball hogs. Like I said, "count me out". But, last time I checked, I still made that 3 point shot. Times had changed and then my mom found a man I can't complain, I liked him, and he let me know: Son, you don't have to change. "Can I be me?" that's a question I found myself to ask a lot. Can I? I can. May I? ...May I let myself be me? Around this time, my cousin had started some things. Really bad things. These things lead to multiple fights and my mom and aunt splitting apart. You think that's bad? Then allow me to tell you the worst? My cousin insulted my mom, calling me a female dog. I blew up like a bomb, and wrapped my hands around her neck, and held on. I did not kill her, but I'll be damned if I didn't leave a mental mark. I was ready to take her life, but also knew the consequences and did not go on. I walked away, taking the time to think. Next thing I know, my aunt was yelling in my face. I don't blame my aunt, though spoiling her daughter was her fault. But my cousin made that decision, and that's all. "Why did you choke her? You could have killed her! Best be glad I didn't call the police!" All I could do was walk away... what could I say? So the family is torn, and now my brother is born... Not only did I miss a day of school, but... I was really scared! Who knew holding a new born child was going to be scary? I mean, I honestly didn't know what to do! Then again, after three years, I can now say, "I knew what to do." So my brother was born, And I was in another school. Bandera, Texas... Ugh, can I curse on this site to describe it? "Can I be me?" Oh not in this school. Well, not the whole school, but a great majority I enjoyed Geometry Then again, I was more into mathematics I had no problem being the freshman helping the sophomores Some would take offense, but I wouldn't care Then there was Ag. You would figure that I would have enjoyed that But I didn't Probably had something to do with the teacher thinking she knew more about Team Roping than I did. Then there's the admin And I had been good, But then there was this one time with the Ag teacher. I had gone into class, not really thinking about the headphones in my ears She shouted, "GET THOSE OUT OF YOUR EARS!" So I did, nothing to go further Then I tried helping the classmate, turns out, big mistake. So I said, "I'm sick and tired of smart a** teachers." and, honestly, ain't we all? I got sent to the office, not that I cared But, ISS for the last two weeks of school? I hate to admit, but I pulled the crying off to get out of it. Detention as a replacement, but I didn't see the problem. Note, this school has teens who get into fights, busted at parties for alcohol consumption, And what do they recieve as punishment? Nothing. I say one sentence and get ISS for two weeks? "Can I be me?" I took it as a simple: no. So I changed schools. THANK YOU PARENTS! And, naturally, the beginning of school was always the hardest. Can't help it, I gotta work my way up the social pyramid. But this is where I made my final three years of twelve. I ran cross country, and boy was that a blast! Maybe not running the three miles But being able to run and look at the morning stars sure did make it more... human. Basketball, well, that didn't go over too well. I think basketball guys will like this story. Maybe even find it humorous. Who knew basketball was more than a contact sport? It began with JV defending the Varsity. Our coach said, "Pressure them as hard as you can." So we... Well, I, did. The guy wasn't happy about it, all because he didn't get the ball. In the locker room, he starts talking about how what I did was wrong. After a while, I shouted, "Then quit talking and next time bring it on." All was quiet, and would have thought it was done. I thought it was done. He came around the lockers, the once blocked from the coaches view. I simply stood, thinking "Okay, let's talk about this." Next, he swung with his left and I was back into my locker. I don't take getting punched easy... Who would? I quickly stood, ready to fight. But a friend, Sammy, got into the middle first Soon everybody was trying to get in between us Coach came out and shouted "DO WE NEED TO RUN?" I saw the look in his eyes, it was obviously my fault. Not that I cared at the time, I knew he didn't care about me or JV. Then there's the rest of the team. Some saw me innocent, and, to them, I was actually grateful for that. Tennis is my sport. Such a sport, there is no "May I be me?" In tennis, there's only one thing: I am gonna be me. I enjoyed tennis. It's a simple minded sport But to play, I think it takes more talent to hit a baseball. I play to win, make friends, and occasional enemies. In that order. If you don't believe me, I'll show you all my scars. To write a poem, I thought this was easy. Granted, I originally wrote this to win a scholarship But now, after typing for so long, I have found something inside of me, and maybe it's the me I've been searching for so long. If you do not believe this story to be true I can honestly say that I don't blame you. But this is called "May I Be Me?" And it is written by Teejay Handley