Maybe I'm not really "fine"

Do you think I'm weak? 

I do.

I am.

Why do you think I am strong? Is it because I can smile, I am smiling. Is it because I can listen when you are down and help you up, I am listening. Maybe it is because you can hold me close to your body like you never want to let go and then you let go. I am cold again and you tell me I'm strong for being able to be alive without your constant presence. I am still alive. 

Fine, 

I am just fine

Okay

Alright

Good

Great

I'm just fantastic!

I can tell you this, through miles of satellite signals, only because you cannot see that I am lying. I am here though in my room in the dark. Biting down on the corner of my pillow so I don't cry out. Tears soak my cheeks and chin. 

😀how was your day?

The glowing screen is a filter in itself, of the lies I tell through a salty view and whimpering sobs. 

Great👍

Just great, I failed my physics test. I didn't try hard enough. I can never try hard enough so why should I try at all? Great, we are learning something new in pre-calc another subject I can fail. Great.

Good I'm glad!

Yes I'm glad too, glad you can't see me right now. Glad you can't hear how broken I am. every breath is painful, every beat of my heart pounds way to hard against my ribcage.   

You apologize for being unable to see me.

It's ok maybe another time, we'll figure it out.

It's not ok