Me

Pain. Darkness surrounded me.

I was Paralyzed by the pain.

I could not think; I could not move.

I had to be numb. I needed to be numb.

No tears, no laughter, no anger, just nothing.

I laid there still on my bed, staring at a wall.

The pain, the battles, I had fought them long enough.

I had given up.

Then a glimmer of hope; my mother walked in,

She asked, if I was okay and if I needed therapy.

All I could do was nod.

I cried. Letting my emotions flow from me, to the therapist.

Telling her my heartache, my insecurities, my doubts, my fears.

She understood. She looked at me as if I was precious.

She taught me to see my self-worth.

She helped me understand that what other thought of me,

Did not define me. I defined me.

She helped me realize what it meant to be alive.

When I could not breathe, she taught me to think.

When I could not think, she taught me to breathe.

When the suicidal thoughts came, she helped them leave.

I thought I wasn’t getting better, than one day I realized I had.

The darkness was still there, but I knew how to fight it.

I knew how to stand up and move on.

I learned how to forgive myself.

I learned how to live.

I laughed. As a sat at table with my friends, the pain was gone.

In a surreal moment I realized how different I was from when I started;

I’d battled with depression, and I was winning

There were still bad days,

But no longer did they last for weeks

No longer did I shut myself out of the world

No longer did I hide me, and my goodness.

I realized how much good I could do by helping others.

I realized my capabilities as a leader.

I knew who I was, and how strong I could be.

I had confidence in me.

At this moment I realized I had grown up.

At this moment, I knew how much stronger I was because of my trials.

At this moment, I understood who I was.

At this moment, I was me.