Me?

I remember it as clear as day. The moment that the light that so proudly lit up my eyes had dimmed.

Until it was but a bulb so helplessly flickering waiting for it’s inevitable defeat.

I looked in the mirror.

All I saw was the face of a stranger.

One masked in makeup and skin products,

All things said to make you look beautiful.

Yet all I could see were the imperfections of someone I hardly knew anymore.

I didn’t feel beautiful.

I didn't need a cloth.

The tears that so shamefully ran out of my eyes had wiped my face clean, 

And rid me of the mascara I put on to try and cover one of the many things I wanted hidden.

That day was the day where I had lost my innocence.

The day when I realized that makeup can’t cover up my internal pain. 

Because you can’t dab on a smile. 

You can’t fix what's going on by simply pretending to be someone else and hiding being a mask made of makeup. 

So I started only wearing moisturizer.

 I didn’t wear the mascara that all my friends were wearing.

 I stopped using the eyeliner that would take me an hour to perfect.

 And I was just-me. 

Not some person trying to act like others to fit into some group I never wanted into the first place.

Because in order to love yourself,

you have to be yourself.