This Is Me

What could've been What would've been What should've been Trapped in my own mind, I sit and wait for a sign, something I know I'll never find, but regardless I still try ... even though my thoughts eat me alive and I barely survive because they deprive me of my right to trust and to love And I can't afford another let-down because I know I'll breakdown and this time I won't recover I can save your from you but you can't save me from me I built these walls strong, so strong that they'll never come down And you'll drown in your attempts before you even crack the surface so it's not even worth it It's the anticipation of that ripple of hope who's only desire is to cripple me and leave me wanting and waiting for something better Something better than the idea of us together because it's just that, an idea An idea that does more harm than good because if i could, I'd go there and I wouldn't look back, even though I know i shouldn't go at all And I'm preparing myself for that inevitable fall, the one I can't seem to avoid The one that does its best to destroy and toy with all that I have left But somehow I won't let it keep me down, because my will to fight is too strong and that desire to do better and be better will never feel wrong So I sit here and I think of what could've been and would've been and what should've been and even though I can't forget, I refuse to live with that regret Because this is my life and these are my choices and no matter how bad they be, these are the choices that have made me ... me.