Me Raw

the times changed ...there went my identity..ilost myself..just to call him..a friend of me..closing my eyes..all i could imagine was change..open them ...all iseen was long range..to gone to go the distance..to complacent to feel the difference..motives were my ammo so my ammo was insifficiant..yeah ican do that..i know im destined for greater..talking to myself..iturned into an entertainer..breading through my lies..because iwas lying to myself..picture perfect windows..glancing through them for my health..the glass went even deeper..penetrating through my past..waking me through the night..day dreaming me through my class..it goes even deeper once it penetrates your soul..picture perfect mirrors..cause the open wounds are covered with gold..cause idont understand..and its crazy cause im talking about myself..the tears never end it..and neither does the wealth..these people come into your life. dont let me get too explicit..my daddy wasnt there..so my gap wasnt depicted..iwanted to feel the love..but the feeling was resisted..the pain still hurt..so the depression was consistent..young love..who'd ever thought a teenager could take the place of a man?..ifound out the hard way..when my picture perfect house never did stand..so im by myself writing these lines..the whole time God is there..writing through me ..through my rhymes..istill never listen..head growing even harder..preacher calling me up in service..pointing out the problem starter..trying to plan out my future...plan out the scenes..plan out my life..skipping Gods demeans..trying to the play the roll..that i knew for my own..i knew who i was..though my body was left alone..whered kylia go?..i was ashamed of myself..kylias a christian..she doesnt chase after wealth..but these thoughts in my ideled mind..inever picked up the pieces..i watched them lay there..and i watched them fall into the creases..the puzzle then configured..who are these attachments?..im killing myself..ihired my own assacen..waiting for a sunday..when i could clear my mind..devils enjoying my life..while hes wasting my time..keeping broken promise..what ill never do again..still losing myself just to call someone a friend..im sitting there crying..looking for someone to feed me..While God is straight ahead with his blood..crying.."why dont you still need me?".im faced with rejection..im reeping what i sew..i put up a shield..just to reject what i already know..then who do i talk to?..and explain what i did?..ifelt..my mamas a church lady so i cant tell her all my sins..so iconsult in my notebook..someone please talk back to me!!im banging on the walls in my mind..just to live happily..im sufficating with my own breath..and my life is the pillow..looking me through my eyes you can see the broken window..anticipating the night..just so i can sleep it through..head hurting..popped a couple pills or two?..where am i at?..cause i'd lost myself..looking for an overdose..just so i can find myself..these words..my own mama never knew..keep it to myself..between just us two..why do they all say that?..try to lure me in..in hope without the conspiracy..said..i already commited the sin...i lay down and i think it through..when i sleep..these thoughts talk to me..when God still calls himself a friend of me..ithought no one knew...ithought my sins were hidden..but God saw me bite the fruit that was forbidden..God showed a dream..to someone who was never there..they told me what i did..and the showed me the rotten fruit i bare..make a decision...the tears recycle...im tired of commiting the same sins..like my deeds are on a cycle..i got tired of feeling stupid..tired of making excuses..tired of living a lie..make my life useless..i cried to God..and he held out his arms..told me he was waiting..called me his charm..told me im chosen..sent down his blessing..rained down on me..taught me the lesson..he said he forgave me..and he wiped my tears..he showed me my thrown..that he made for me..before my years..icant runaway..cause im predestined for change..God takes me over my life .and shows me how hes gona rearrange..he opened a door..this is my testimony.he then brought me out..he never asked for alomony..