memories

Memories

where my mind drifts off too at the wrong times never

seems to happen at the right times.

I close my eyes and I see my self cry

 and the blinding of my sight is infused with dark scarlet threads of emptiness.

I can never account for when or where these things will happen I can only prepare myself for whatever memory decided to land itself in the fore front of my mind,

 that I try so hard to stuff and hide,

that I try so hard to keep myself alive.

but then the pleasure of a silver spoon and a needle always seem to slink itself up to the front cortex where I am now stuck in my nightmare of an over dose and two dead friends whom I never got to say goodbye

because I was too damn high to even care. now the guilt sets in and I am left feeling nothing. just a girl not even full grown stuck in a window seal trying to remember home,

the place she hated because she hated authority

but now that I think about it, THOSE RULES WERE THERE TO PROTECT ME.

As I gaze up towards heavens doors I express a gratitude that I can not even begin to express.

because my words are so far less than the words God deserves.

He saved my life, now tell me what did He do for yours.