Mental Abuse

*WARNING BEFORE YOU READ THIS IT IS PRETTY DEEP I WROTE IT AWHILE AGO BUT RECENTLY EDITED IT IM FINE NOW IVE GOTTEN HELP BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE THIS POEM*
 

My heart's turning black and blue
The mental abuse you put me through
I grab a knife
And think about life
I slip and cut 
The adrenaline rush 
You say I'm worth it
But in my mind it's bullshit
You fill my head with lies
One minute you love me
The next you say goodbye
Then your scared
And wish I was there
I smile
But then your gone in a blink of an eye
I sit and wait for a reply
You come back 
Make me smile
I ask you what happened
You tell me another lie
So
I grab my knife
And cut my thighs
Each cut a different lie
I gave my all
You never answered when I call
You knocked me down
Turning my smile to a frown
You help me up 
Make me smile 
Just to shut me up
You say your sorry all the time 
Then later you make me smile
And tell me life's worthwhile
I ask to hang out with you
But You always made some excuse
I say it's fine
When really
I can't help but
grab that knife 
Just one more time
Then I realize 
It's time....
Time I say goodbye 
I wait till morning 
and tell you why
And all you say is
I wish you'd die