This is Me(riah)

Things have changed

I’ve gotten older and nothing is the same

Not because I got a haircut or that my body has blossomed because of puberty or the fact that I have more options in my wardrobe overtime or more intimate so called “pieces of junk” in my room

But the little things have, the miniscule and simple things that have somehow, some way transformed to be way more meaningful than I have ever expected

When I was a young child, I was blissfully ignorant to everything about life

I pranced around dancing thinking that the best thing to be was the man that I love’s wife

My mother said that once I was older I would understand

She was right because now I comprehend

But it all seems as a painfully late message

“Ugh, if I only knew better”, is something I found myself saying a lot lately

It seems like the things people do in my life are done so hatefully

I would never have thought that school or home would feel so uncomfortable

It’s getting weirder and weirder

You know the feeling you get when you’re around strangers or meeting new people and you have to hide a part of yourself behind a facade, a two-way mirror?

Well that describes how I feel around my own friends and family.

I just can’t control the ocean of depression but it's really affecting me

It’s a complicated situation where the “universe makes things harder than they should be”

I have to push away a genuine part of me because it’s claimed to be disrespectful, rude, arrogant, judgemental, cold, etcetera, e-t-c.

What it’s really called is some damn human emotion

I don’t want to live just going through the motions

As I go through these waves and tides, I feel my limbs being torn apart

But I won’t disintegrate, I have become stronger than who I was from the start

For a long time I didn’t know who I was because of a gloomy cloud hovering over me from above

And not that it doesn’t anymore because believe me it still does

It’s just that some days my sadness can be as large as the universe and others as small as a microscopic bug

The only difference is now I know who and what I am

I proudly exclaim that I am a phoenix

I rise from the black dark ashes that form in destruction

I have been burned many times but my wings still function

The coal in the air makes it hard to breathe but what keeps me going are the visions that I dream

When you pull on me to drag me down you better be prepared to fight in a battleground

I won’t take it

Even if the people that I admire and love are the ones that won’t back me up

Scars are non removable but that doesn’t mean you can’t remove yourself from the situation

You won’t see me drinking acid out of anyone’s poisoned cup

Everyone believes that God works in mysterious ways but I know that it is really the devil

He puts complications in every type of conversation and twists it around his claws

But now that I know who I am, God, I will not let myself fall