Lately this darkness has been eating me alive
This darkness that I was lost in.
Standing in that extra 7 miles.
I was a fool to have walked in it.
Like a chemist, you brewed up meth.
Feeding me with happiness,
But killing me all inside.
You took almost every once of me.
Almost lost myself for you.
How much I wanted to chase you,
But I didn't see how much you were killing me.
Everything was for you,
I lost breathes of air for you.
I drowned in your deathly sea.
It wasn't blue.
It was dark charcoal with many sea monsters waiting to help you catch me to drown more.
How could I let someone like you.
Take advantage of me.
My kindness taken for granted,
There you are crying on the ground.
I can't help you now.
Those tears you weep,
Eyes with mascara stains.
Not my problem no more.
Fake tears, all lies.
Never loved me.
My soul was almost sucked out of my body.
My mind and heart goes with my soul.
You can take my body,
But you can never have my soul.
I smoked your white crystals in my lungs to get high again.
Always accidentally relapsing in you to be on cloud nine again,
But end up falling hard to the ground,
Breaking almost every bone in my body and I almost died.
I can't believe how tight I let you put your noose around my neck.
You kicked the platform away from under my feet.
You swept me off my feet trying to kill me more.
Like a slave,
You lynched me every time I strike you with verbal truth.
Telling me I'm always wrong,
Just love me or else I'll kill you.
I've never dipped my hands in forever to be burned to crisp.
To have fought your grudges and demons to find the root of you.
Pure evil and manipulative,
Altering my mind,
Brainwashing me to be your savior hero,
When I just needed someone who really cared for me.
While your ignorance and lust angers me,
You took me away with the right words.
Giving in and relapsing to feel you again.
Took my temple and I can't restore it.
My body is shamed and dirty.
I have been rapped out of my Misery.
Yet I try telling myself you didn't take anything from me.
What lies I still tell myself about you.
Sacrificed my precious temple for your greed.
It'll take 6 more years out of the 7 to cleanse your touches from my body.
The victim becomes the abuser.
You are just like the white crystal meth that was feed to you.
Now that I found pure Mary Jane,
She gives me hope and prosperity.
Reminds me that my body is sacred and beautiful.
Yet I'm reminded everyday of your abuse.
How you stripped me away from my temple by brainwashing me.
Into the peer pressure and words of lust from Yaah.
Now here I am!
Writing this poem to hope that it gives me some release.
Closure for myself so that I can love Mary Jane.
She gets me pass the clouds and safely back to the ground.
Without breaking my bones like you do.
I'm ready and been waiting to take your rope off my neck,
Don't want to relapse again to see you in my head.
I want my self respect and dignity back once again.
I will achieve it to build it back up,
Rather you give it back or not,
It will start to wither and die like flowers in your hands.
You will never get me back ever again.
I will build a new self respect and my own dignity for myself and no one else.
Never will I ever let anyone as low as you to strip everything from me.