Midnight party

By Eugenia Avalos Portela 

The most amazing birthday party is going to start 

Everyone’s invited 

Some friends are coming and I’m scared of having them here

I’ve prepared delicious dinner and amazing wine

I’m sitting there expecting them even though I don’t know why

Look! Here are they !

Anxiety has her most expensive red dress ever and it looks really good on her 

And look ! There’s insecurity out there with his black suit

And we can’t forget the fact that depression is wearing nice clothes and it looks good on her 

Yeah, eventually I’m sitting here expecting my friends and doing absolutely nothing to save myself from the darkness

I’m so glad that he is coming to my party, yeah that boy that I always talk to my friends about 

I’m expecting Him so badly 

I took a bath just to look presentable that day 

I took a therapy all by myself in my room before that party 

Just for him to notice me 

Just to be sure that my words won’t fail 

Yes, and of course I wore high heels 

And of course I put that dress that fits me like If I was a princess from an old tale 

And of course I want you there 

Because my heart expects the best when I’m giving up 

And my mind is having a bad time 

And my thoughts are screaming : PLEASE help me I beg you , no more!

And just because I want you

And I need you more than you think

So please join me to the party 

Because after all I will kick them all out just so we can be together one night 

Were the candles are going to light up the dark room of my heart 

And it’s not longer doing nothing 

And when my mind says yes and my heart says oh not again 

It’s when I know it’s not okay but I want to chain up myself 

Because that’s how love is for me in this moment 

When it’s wrong and it’s a lot 

When I’m tired of loving all by myself 

And it’s unacceptable for me not missing you and not wanting you 

And it will be like Alighieri’s nine cicles of Hell when I will be saying goodbye to you

Because I’m not ready 

Jesus, this is so hard for me 

Taste my lips like warmth in the cold winter

Don’t make me fall into the abyss once more

I’m thinking about you every single day of my life 

Please, come to my party 

It will be an honor to say goodbye

One last time