A Midwinter's Nightmare

Gather round, and mute your phones, I have a story that will chill your bones, But if a weak stomach, you possess, Leave this place, or face distress, For my tale is of a fearsome creature, A nightmarish ghoul, with gruesome features, Twelve feet tall, and made of mad, I speak of course, of my girlfriend’s dad. I did not attend my midwinter dance, Not for lacking in romance, But the accident of two days past, Had caused my arm to lay in cast, So while to music, they bumped and ground, We cuddled to crackling fire sounds, The mood soon turned hot and heavy, For those tween fifteen and twenty, Are, it seems, always ready. We tiptoed down the dark basement stair, Distancing from sleeping monsters lair, In youth, the dark filled me with dread, Of bump in the night, and under my bed, But pubescent years, with gangly, body, It was peace, the darkness brought me, For within the awkward act of lust, The shroud of night saved her eyes from disgust Whilst my fingers, struggled to unlock her bust. We fought the gentle battle that is sex, And forgetting the monster, settled in for rest, Our peace turned soon though to terrible fright, When at four A.M, on came the light. Startled so, from quiet dreaming, I managed barely to keep from screaming. As the monsters shadow cast upon the wall, Memories, before my eyes, flashed them all For this was to be, my curtain call. As o’er his daughters dress he stepped, I pulled the covers to my chin and wept, We should have known monsters have no appetite, For good Christians, who pray on their knees, at night, He turned the corner, I lay, feeling naked, Which was true, save for the blanket, I turned to her, asleep, or at least she faked it. The monsters lumbering footsteps ceased, In full view, I gazed upon the terrifying beast, His maw opened, to speak what I had feared, Oh Patrick, your still here. My heart ceased, and as the terror in my eyes shone, He struck out a hand, holding a telephone. Your dad called, he’s wondering why your not home. Sorry Dad, I lost track of time, A horrific order, came back through the line, Stay where you are, the roads are too icy to drive, Thanks dad, this is the last time you’ll hear from me alive, Do you think my dad knew, my girlfriend said, I think he did, spoke the pink thong above her head. And so to face the fiend, I dressed, I could not find my shirt, so with bare chest, I made her kiss, my last request. Half naked I climbed both sets of stairs, A warning creaked the door to the monsters lair, I presented myself, and begged rapid death, As comes to knights from a dragon’s heated breath, My knees nearly buckled as my poise deserts me, But nay, the drowsy monster showed me mercy, And sent me back to my fair princess, With never tell Mrs. Monster, his lone request, Oh lord, I felt divinely blessed. But now a new monster is in my life, Lying, waiting, for the daughter of my future wife, Lying, waiting, driving me insane, This terrible fiend, Karma is his name, For some night, in my own home, I’ll be woken to screams and moans, I’ll rush to save my princess from the freak, And be confronted with a familiar physique, Eating my daughter, so to speak.