A Million Miles Away

I’m sitting in my bedroom

The most familiar place in the world

The place I always came to find you

I’ve been away from this room for so long

I’ve missed being here

I’ve missed coming to see you in here

But this room does not hold what it once held

Even in this place where you used to be so close

It seems like you’re a million miles away

I’m walking into the yoga studio

One of my favorite places in the world

I’m breathing in the air I missed so much

I used to find you here too

I used to feel so alive in this room

I’ve missed it like crazy

But this room does not hold what it once held

I no longer find life in this room

Because even in this place where you used to be so close

It seems like you’re a million miles away

I’m sitting in church

One of the best places to be

This place is always what got me through

It’s where I found you the most

But this place does not hold what it once held

I’m not finding you in this place

I’m finding the million things in my mind that I don’t want to find

I almost dread coming here now

Because I hate that in this place where you used to be so close

It seems like you’re a million miles away

I’m listening to music 

One of my favorite things to do

Music has always led me straight to you

The words have always breathed joy and hope

Into this wandering lonely soul

But those words and melodies do not hold what they once held

Maybe I’ll find a brief second of joy that won’t last

More often that not I’ll continue feeling hopeless

As if I don’t even hear you screaming words of hope

I hate that in these songs where you used to be so close

It seems like you’re a million miles away

I’m thinking

My absolute favorite thing to do

Thinking through my life has always calmed me down

It’s always helped me understand situations better

It’s helped me deal with them better

Thinking about you has always led me straight to you

But these thoughts do not hold what they once held

I can’t seem to find the joy I once had

Even the most wonderful thoughts fail to comfort me

Because even in these thoughts where you used to be so close

It seems like you’re a million miles away

I’m crying

Not literally

There’s too much emptiness in me for tears to actually fall

But there are moments of raw pain

Moments where I should feel your embrace

Reminding me that everything’s okay

But these moments do not hold what they once held

In the midst of all of the pain and emptiness

I used to feel your love shining through

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that

The worst part for me isn’t what’s going on in my daily life

It’s that I feel like you aren’t here to help me through it

I’m lost without you holding me

Because even in the struggles where you used to be so close

It seems like you’re a million miles away

I’m home

I was away from home for a while

I was so excited to finally return to my life

Now I’m finally here

But home does not hold what it once held

The places I used to go for comfort and happiness

Those places are so empty

I can’t find you anywhere

I know in my mind that you’re right here

But I still miss you like crazy

Because even in my heart where you used to be so close

It seems like you’re a million miles away