A Million Shards (Part 5)

What do you suppose they would think of you? Or say behind you if they knew? Parents, family, teachers, friends The audience to your struggle to just meet ends. How many times have I said, This is all just imaginary, in your head. Listen to me sweetheart, you’re perfectly fine. Ask anyone, our views will align. Down on my knees again My reflection filled with tears As cool hands touch my shoulders Rushing blood sounds in my ears Say it with me, nice and slow, The voice cooes. It’s over now, you know. I know. Running water flows on down My head drops to my hands. So, buried in my deep blue sea This is how it ends? You’re broken, the voice presses firmly. … I’m broken. You’re foolish. I’m foolish. You’re stupid. I’m stupid. You’re weak. I’m weak. Fire streaming in me like a song, Emotions I haven’t felt in so so long, It’s pain and hate and guilt I breathe The oxygen I so desperately need. I drive my fist into the mirror, tears pouring, still chanting I’ll never be enough. It doesn’t register. A million shards decorate the floor. I’ll never be enough. I hate myself. I hate myself. I’m worthless. I’m worthless- The repeated words ring in my ears. The echo watered down with salty tears. The voice I marked so long as unknown Finally strikes me as my own. It can’t be. Catch my eye on a glimmering piece Of glass beneath my bleeding fingers A familiar face caught in the frame, Stares back at me, all the same. It’s my dark hair, my white teeth My long fingers, my pale skin My long forgotten smile grinning at the sight Of what I’ve done to me. Everything’s still bitter gray, But I’m drowning on dry land For this expanse of hate and hurt Is the creation of my hands. I need help.