The mind of an overthinker on quiet days.

9 times out of turn, you have my heart speeding and my head spinning. I know I should have said goodbye 8 turns ago but here I am following you into the abyss and your lies looking like the 7 hail Mary's my mom said when she knelt down to pray for my protection. 6 years of trying to perfect this piece called me but I spent 5 days at your place, feeling out of place...I mean pace, because I'm learning that there are 4 different connotations to your I love yous and I'll always come 3rd to you when it come to9 the ones you'd go to hell and back for, counting you 2x. It's ironic how I know that I'm not the one and you keep on trying to convince the both of us that you love me but honestly I guess you only say it so much for you and not for me. You're hoping that one day you'll say it and truly believe it but we both know that that day may never come in this life time. But in the meantime, I'll be the warm body you come home to, and the reassuring voice that echoes your worthiness when you start doubting yourself. And no, it brings no pleasure to me, I'm just trying to not be a statistic once again in my life, I guess I just have a neck to stick in places I do not belong and the heart to hold on tightly to glass, no matter how much I see myself bleed. With the right amount of warmth, I can remold it into something new right? If I bleed enough I can dye it with love right? If I don't shout I can show it peace right? It doesn't matter if it shreds me into more than one piece right? After all the haze is just a sign of hope right? My gut is uneasy because this is new right? My intuition is tainted by my past experiences right? You wouldn't harm me at all right? After all, you said you love me right? And you mean it right? And I can trust you right? I'm just tripping right? Tell me I'm tripping. Am I just tripping? I think I just stopped breathing. I'm drowning on land, there isn't enough air. Someone, get me out of here.