Missing you

 I miss you. 

I miss texting you about every single stupid thing that happens in my life.

 I miss laughing with you and all of our inside jokes.I miss talking to you, 

I miss our late night conversations,

 FaceTiming till 3 in the morning.

 I miss you being there when I was down and telling you everything that was going on in my life. I miss you being the first person I called when I had good news, 

and the person that I could talk to about anything. 

I miss being there for you at midnight .

 I miss being the first person you wanted to talk to, 

the first person you shared things with. 

I miss being a complete weirdo with you. 

 I miss looking over at you and knowing exactly what you are thinking. 

I miss your family and the way you used to fill me in on their daily happenings and what crazy, judgmental things they said this time.

 I miss knowing that, at the end of the day,

I had you-- that when push came to shove, 

no matter how bad the situation might be, 

I knew you would be there. 

I miss my person,

 my other half and my best friend.

 I hate that when people ask me how you are doing,

 I genuinely don’t know. 

I hate that our conversations that once used to be so natural and seemingly endless are now just formal "how-do-you-do's," 

and "hope-you're-doing-wells." 

I hate that your face, 

the face I was so accustomed to seeing almost every single day,

 has become just another one in the crowd.

 I hate that we no longer speak,

 and that when we do, 

all of our conversations are awkward and now start with “OMG! I haven’t talked to you in forever!” 

I'm mad at us for letting our friendship become this far gone.

 What happened?

 How did we not see this coming?

 How did we not feel ourselves starting to drift?

 I am mad at us for not fighting harder for the friendship that we had.

 It wasn’t like most friendships. 

It was the kind of friendship that neither of us could have anticipated coming to an end. It was us against the world,

 and now it is nothing.

 I am mad at us for letting it become nothing but a collection of memories. 

I am sad because I don’t even know where to go from here. 

I don’t know what there is to be said.

 Nothing really happened to make it change, 

So how would we fix it? 

How do I make this horrible yearning for you go away? 

How do I shake the dreadful feeling of knowing that my best friend is no longer just a phone call away? 

We don't even know each other anymore.

 How do we find a way to fall back together just as easily as we fell apart? 

I hate that it probably can't be fixed. 

I am hurt that you will probably never again be a huge part of my life.