Mistake

My existence is not meant to be. All of my pain and emotion drowns out my presence. Constant pain is around me, and sharing it make me a nuisance. Did God make a mistake when making me? Is God punishing me for something? What did I do to deserve this ? Why can't I feel what looks so happy to fee? Happiness all around me , oh what I crave to have. To feel a sense of carelessness and freeness. To have all the pain and the misery disapear. To feel alive. I am a dead person walking on earth. I feel no happiness. How could I be alive if I do not feel this? A person person with no happieness must be dead, So if I am emotionally dead, why must I be physically alive. It does not seemf air to have to fake happiness, when it comes so easily to others. When must it end? When can i live? emotinally? freely? ALIVE. Must it take 17 years of life to feel happy? Or more than that. Misery on earth is what I will call this. Walking around on earth, smiling at others is such a joke to me, ? They don't know me, they don't know what thoughts go through my head, . They don't know what it feels like to have a coffin around them everyday they are supposed to be alive. So I will end this soon enough, soon enough will my outer apperance match my inner, soon enough, could it come any sooner?