M&Ms

“Would you like some M&Ms?” After 6 years that's all he could ask me. What about how has school been? How old are you now? Or maybe I didn't want a question. What I wanted was an apology. A sincere flow of words. Not a waste of time. I wanted some answers. I wanted some truth. Not some chocolate that adds more weight to the waist I cover up. I wanted an embrace and some understanding. “ Would you like some M&Ms?” Why does he have to say such tormenting words? He could have said go away and it would hurt less than this tormenting awkward conversation. I know I shouldn't blame him. It's not his fault that he is damaged. It's not his fault that the pickup truck slammed into his car and broke his brain. It's not his fault that when he looks at me he doesn't see the daughter he helped bring into the world. I can't blame him for not being able to show me care. The fault is not his. Nor is it mine. “Would you like some M&Ms?” My heart crumbles but I hold back some much needed tears. “Yes I would love some M&Ms dad.”