Mom

Loss

To feel so much pain

To have no gain

What it must have felt like to be you.

It’s been almost a year now

And I never hear now from you.

There isn’t a word to describe

The hurt I don’t feel inside,

Because in the end I didn’t know you.

Denial

Even from the day I lost you

It never really felt like it happened.

I saw our family,

I saw them crying,

But my emotions didn’t register.

And that’s what makes me the most upset.

To lose someone so close and dear to me

But not feel any loss or any regret.

Some people might call me lucky.

Why do I not feel the pain?

It’s driving me insane.

Anger

All the hurt you caused,

And never looked back

Or paused

To say I’m sorry for causing the crack

In our family.

You were no longer close

And soon I chose

to not tell you

about what really happened in my day.

The simplest things I didn’t want to tell

because of your hurtful and angry yell.

I became the adult

And you became the child.

Isn’t that great?

Isn’t that wild?

Wanting

I wanted things to be the way they used to be.

Where I could hold your hand,

feel safe,

feel young.

I want the times that I don’t really remember,

But won’t ever forget.

The time when you were still a member

of the family.

Those times when

you would sing,

and I would dance.

It’s seems so unbelievable now,

Like it was a trance.

To be with the old you,

that’s what I want,

Where I loved you too.

Acceptance

I knew it was bad,

I knew the chances weren’t great,

of us starting off on a clean slate.

I do sometimes feel very sad,

about what happened to you.

But I absolutely know now that you are no longer mad.

You are in a better place.

Where there isn’t any hate or disgrace.

Just love,

Love

Love

Love.

And I know that’s all you ever wanted.