Mom i hope this works

When did I grow up?

There isn't a single moment that I could point the answer to that question 

I guess from as long as I can remember I was always hearing in the back of my head a certain kind of stress coming from the breath of adults 

The constant worry about how they would pay next month's rent, why gas prices have risen so much these days, and the concern on whether or not their children would go to college 

They would tell me not to commit the same mistakes they did growing up

My aunts would tell me not to let people manipulate me, to study hard, and to not get distracted by whatever I thought love was at the moment, and to make sure I went to college

College.

The word itself is frightening, the process is the opposite of invigorating

And being the first in my family to attend it, is a little bit imitating. 

I remember being only being seven when my family would begin to ask the same question sadly every kid my age tried to answer...

“So what do you want to be when you grow up?”

When I grow up?

I was still trying to figure out why I was having so much difficulty to do a cartwheel!

and how in the world were the people on Disney Channel not real and only characters being played by actors!

And even if I answered honestly

“I want to be a musician, a professional dancer, an artist”

I would get the same response of 

“Yeah, but what's plan B”

I always hoped that I would always have so much time left so I didn't think too much about it

It was when I entered the sixth grade when I started to realize it was time for some sort of change

Elementary school was a disaster I wanted to pushover

I was not the most popular kid and I was often manipulated by the friends that I did have

The friends that I would go for closure

And soon became colder

And indifferent

Whom I’d have to apologize to them every time something went wrong

And whom I would put their needs before mine 

 Every single time! 

I knew I was growing up when I started to understand that I had to move away from people who made me feel inferior and not worthwhile

I knew I was growing up when I stood up for people who were being poorly treated in my school

I knew I was growing up when I became aware that my problems were really minor compared to what was going on to the rest of the world and I should stop the small complains I make to myself

I also became aware of how important it is to work and study really hard to achieve a dream my parents couldn't

My mom and dad were both born and raised in South America and came to the United States

To hopefully find new opportunities to make money for their families

They both did not have money to go to college but they worked really hard to support their families

And to them I owe them everything

The reason who I am today is because of them 

I fell in love with the thought that  I could one day repay them 

They have taught me that the world is limitless 

That's why I decided to focus on that as motivation 

I became surrounded by people who have encouraged me to be the best person I can be 

And who have kept me grounded 

I started growing up when I realized that the world can be a cruel, corrupt, and restless place

But a beautiful one as well, with so much space for change

And I knew I was growing up when I realized I could make a positive change in it as well

The world is full of people just starting to figure out who they are 

And I am still too

The truth is  im just beginning to realize the beauty in the struggle of striving for success and finding your purpose in life

and I'm glad that Im not the only one working on it.