Mom, I'm Scared of You.

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I hide because I'm scared of me
of how weak I might actually be
I'm not so pure, and fair of skin
but I act like that's who I've been

as a child I was raised  "white"
Even though my skin isn't light
People forever try to trap me
I'm not  Mexican, I'm just Kathy

But I've also made an escape
from a far, foreign landscape
I have an uneducated momma
I hide her to avoid the trauma

I've always wanted to be strong
It's hard when you hide so long
Mom said I was beautiful, white
cause of that my life's is alright

cause I can fit in, hide the shame
and mom was always to blame
for the unhappiness of my dad
for the nights I cried alone, sad

but she doesn't deserve to be
something that's less then me
because she never had chance
to "weak" for her circumstance

My mom has a lot to offer , but
that story doesn't make the cut
she's just an ignorant immigrant
who got here cause of an infant

So I hid her for years and years
partly because of all the fears
Not ready to care for an adult
so I've hidden her as a result

How can you hide one you love?
Kill them, throw away the gloves
My mom misses me and I'm scared
Of all the love that we used to share

I'm scared when she blames me back
for all the connection that we lack
I'm scared when she says I'm hers
after the divorce there wasn't a cure

she's so close but she's been gone
after she left grandma was mom
after she left everything went wrong
And "Her Fault" is my new life song

She's the only one in the audience
who makes me edgy on appearance
So, behind the curtain I sit and hide
I'm scared of all of her loving pride

I'm scared to care for her so much
I get annoyed by her mere touch
yet when she's not there I cry
without her I can't seem to fly

I hope to step out and find resolve
I just want this to all be solved
 it's up to me...
so step out, Kathy

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