Mommy?

"Mom! Mom!" The words pierce like a knife to the heart. "Mommy, come play with me!" Shouts from little girls with pigtails cut deep. "I love you, Amber." Memories flood in- breaking down walls that I have so carefully built up. Pain breaks down my strongholds, and reality blurs. Hidden monsters rise to the surface. "911, what's your emergency?" Unfinished screams ring in my ears. Panic swells and my vision blurs. "Mommy, wake up! Mommy!" Flashback- blood, vomit, a face locked in fear. The cold, lifeless body of the woman I loved lies before me. "We are gathered here today..." Moments I have tried to suppress dance before my eyes. Feeling I long to forget knock at my door. "She will be missed." Words from pretentious strangers fill the air. No one will miss her like I do! No one will grieve like me. "You won't grieve forever." "She is with you in spirit." "You're not alone." Lies are thrown in my face. The pain I feel is forever! Her spirit is not enough! YOUR WORDS ARE NOT ENOUGH! I am alone forever.