The monsters

It’s getting hard to breathe,

I can’t see past this foggy confusing forest,

I can’t feel anything else but the numbness.

It’s getting hard to hide,

Not only hide the pain, but hide who I am.

Everyday I get up and do the same routine,

Everyday i get up and put on the same mask,

Everyday I get up and wish everything would just stop.

This feeling that i carry,  this feeling that has become so embedded within my skin that it hurts to even think of scrubbing hard enough with soap and water, has take over me.

There’s this monster haunting my dreams, dreams that have become nightmares,

Dreams that have stopped being dreams.

I can’t get away from this feeling, from this monster haunting me day and night,

So everyday I go home and go straight to my room, my room is my own little world, isolated from this chaos that never seems to stop.

I go home and cry, I go home and wonder what it would be like to live without a monster, to live without numbness, to live without sadness. But the monster haunts me every second of my life, I cannot move, I cannot breathe, I cannot think, I’m lost

I’m lost in this neverending whirlpool of emotions, and I just want a break. 

I believe that everyone deserves happiness, I believe that everyone deserves love, but how can we feel loved, how can we feel happiness with a monster that follows me everywhere I go, with a feeling that has become part of my system.

The truth is, I cannot predict what will happen tomorrow, If the monster will get tired and leave,

I just know that I have to push through, because my passions are scarier than a monster.